The Marriage of Bette and Boo by Christopher Durang

Author:Christopher Durang
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Grove Atlantic

Scene 29

Matt addresses the audience. Bette, Boo, and the dead Paul stay onstage.

Matt: Twenty years later, or perhaps only fifteen, Bette files for a divorce from Boo. They have been separated for several years, since shortly after the death of the final child; and at the suggestion of a therapist Bette has been seeing, Bette decides to make the separation legal in order to formalize the breakup psychologically, and also to get better, and more regular, support payments. Boo, for some reason, decides to contest the divorce; and so there has to be testimony. Margaret and Joanie decide that Catholics can't testify in divorce cases, even though Bette had eventually testified in Joanie's divorce; and so they refuse to testify, frightening Emily into agreeing with them also. Blah blah blah, et cetera. So in lieu of other witnesses, I find myself sort of having to testify against Boo during my sophomore year at college. I am trying to work on a paper on Thomas Hardy, but find it difficult to concentrate. I fly home for the divorce proceedings. My mother's lawyer reminds me of my grandfather Paul.

(Bette and Boo on opposite sides. Matt center, testifies, questioned by Paul who comes to life with no to-do. He still speaks in Paul's incomprehensible speech, but otherwise is quite lawyerly.)

Paul: Ehl ee att, oo## oou ing orr agh## er uz acgh acgha@ @ lehc? [Tell me, Matt, do you think your father was an alcoholic?]

Matt: What?

Paul (irritated he can't be understood, as Paul used to be): Oo## oou ing, orr agh# # er uz acgh acgha @ @ lehc? [Do you think your father was an alcoholic?]

Matt: Yes, I do feel he drank a fair amount.

Paul: Uht us ee acgh acgha @ @ lehc? [But was he an alcoholic?]

Matt: I'm really not in the position to say if anyone is actually an alcoholic or not.

Bette: I have a calendar here from the twelve years of our marriage. Every time it says “HD,” that stands for “half-drunk.” And everytime it says “DD,” that stands for “dead drunk.” I offer this as Exhibit A.

Paul (telling her it's not her turn): Eeez own awk enn oo aht ahn uh ann. [Please don't talk when you're not on the stand.]

Bette: What?

Boo: I was never dead drunk. She has this thing about drunks.

Matt (to Bette): He said you shouldn't talk when you're not on the stand.

Bette: I didn't.

Paul (to Bette): Sssh. (Long question to Matt:) Ehl ee att, ihd oo# # eheh ee or ah # er ah ehey ohazsn, itt or uher? [Tell me, Matt, did you ever see your father, on any occasion, hit your mother?]

Matt: Yes. Hardy wrote Tess of the d'Urbervilles in 1891.

Paul (irritated): As ott ut uh ass. [That's not what I asked.]

Matt: Oh, I'm sorry. I misheard the question.

Paul: Ihd ee itt er? [Did he hit her?] (Makes hitting motion.)

Matt: Yes, I did see him hit her.

Paul: Ah!

Matt: Of course, she hit him too. They both hit each other. Especially when they were driving.

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